我の爱情来了？

那感觉又回来了
怎么又是在考试时出现？
伊？想一想，应该是之前就出现了~
就在十月二十七号那一天
也就是他信息“darling”来的那一天
伊？那时也是考试期间耶
囧

我想我对他的感觉就是从那时候开始慢慢累计下来的吧
你问我他帅不帅
我会说 不知道 不过我很喜欢看他的样子
你问我他好不好
我会说 ok咯 不过他对我真的很好

还记得我刚认识他的时候
他给我的感觉就是很凶
我那时很怕他
看到他就压力大了
很怕他又不懂要我达到一个怎样难搞的目标
不过他知道我对他的恐惧感后
他开始变回自己
至少原本的他不会让我害怕

我不知道这是不是因为我本身比较喜欢看到原本的人
I mean 不喜欢戴了面具的人

所以当他变回自己后
我慢慢的接受了他
相处时间久了
我开始对他有了感觉
我觉得我这人真的很奇怪
我就是喜欢那些特别shine的人
可以说是那些受女生欢迎的人
看回之前我喜欢的人你就懂了
我会喜欢这种人
不过却会一直在有信心和没信心之间徘徊
一时会告诉自己他是会喜欢我的
一时又告诉自己他喜欢的是别人
很矛盾

为什么我会喜欢上他呢？
我想是因为我看到他的努力
他为了自己的梦想
真的很努力
我很喜欢这样的他
虽然他本人是很好玩
给人的感觉就是很三八
不过他认真起来就不得了了
普通人绝对不能接受那种压力
就像之前的我咯 哈哈

很多时候
他会给人那一种
每天嘻嘻哈哈
没有烦恼的感觉
但是我通常看到的就是心情低落的他
不是没有energy做东西的他
而是一个一直在想
怎样才能做到更好
怎样才能达到理想
怎样才能脱离现在的困境
我看到的是一个心里很多包袱的人
当我看到越多心里的他
我就对他越有感觉
是这样的吗？
应该是吧~
他教我不可以给不确定的答案
那就是吧

他对女生都很好
他很有女人缘
他自己也跟我说过
他从小到大都是参女生的
我就告诉他我从小到大都是参男生的
不知道从什么时候开始
当他对其他女生好的时候
我会有少少妒忌
甚至有一次他跟别的女生单独在一起
我真的很不安心咯
就算我知道很多时候都是工作需要
而他又是重感情的人
他对每个人都是很用心的
我还是会心里不是很舒服
只是他对我会不会也是这样叻？
but有一件事是我很开心的
就是当我拿稍微重的东西的时候
他会自动走过来帮我拿
对其他女生这样做
我只看过一两次吧
希望不是我的错觉

他跟我说他没有追过女生
之前都是女朋友追他的
他很多女生追
连最后一个女朋友都是追了他很久
他考虑了很久他才接受的
他跟我分享了很多他的感情故事
很奇怪
我们是因为工作而在一起的
不过我们在一起的时候都不是聊工作的事
都是在聊私事的
而且都是感情事
他有问我关于我之前的感情事
不过我好像没完全告诉他
而他却毫无保留的告诉了我
好笑的是
我们都是在睡前聊的
彼此看不到对方的样子
只听到对方的声音
他把心事都说给我听
我很喜欢那种感觉

我们公喝一杯水
公用一支水草
认识我的人都懂
除了是一大班男女一起公用杯子水草以外
我之前都不会跟任何一个男生公用同一个东西的
就连跟我的最好朋友霖都不是很能接受
而他就是那唯一一个
让我很安心的
我还记得之前某某曾经喝了我的水
然后问我说敢不敢喝
我因为接受挑战而喝了
但是很明显当时我很不自在咯
心里很不舒服
而他不会让我有那种感觉
这是因为我心里接受了他的关系吧？

这一次
真的很不一样
可能那种喜欢的感觉还是像之前对钧那样
不 应该说更强烈
因为这次我真的感觉到他也是对我有感觉
他对我真的有不一样
连身边的人全部都感觉到我们俩很暧昧
但是我们就是没有进一步发展

我觉得我们有在做着一些情侣才做的事
吃饭他会夹菜给我，我有时也会，算吗？
他喂我，我喂他，算吗？
以上两样跟身边的人都有在做啦~所以不算明显~
很自然他会帮我拿东西，我也是，算吗？
很自然他喝我的水，是直接不用问，直接拿去喝的，算吗？
信息久久一次他会写“dear”，我也是，算吗？
等等的
算是暧昧吧？

虽然他说他没追过女生
不过行动上我觉得他是已经很主动了
可能我们之间就只差那一句话吧
有了那一句话
我们之间就不再只是暧昧了
有了那句话
我们之间就会多了一份责任

我想他有他的原因
他说过
之前为什么那么多女生追他
他都没有接受？
因为他觉得自己还没有能力给到她们幸福
而之前的女朋友
为什么他们之间有很大的问题
经常吵架
他还是要坚持维持到最后？
因为责任咯
他认为他夺了她的初吻
所以必须负责任
再加上他是一个很重感情的人
所以他很珍惜跟每个人的感情
也因为这样
他很容易受伤

而我也有一大堆的顾虑
主要是对自己的信心不足吧
我不知道我可以给到他什么
我不知道我现在的感觉是不是爱情
我没有信心可以当一个好的女朋友
甚至终身伴侣
我知道这不是我应该顾虑的
喜欢就应该去争取
我现在能做的
就是他喜欢怎样的女生
我就去把我自己调去那种女生
就像他喜欢长发的女生
我就留长发
他喜欢女性化的女生
我就变得更女性化吧
没有刻意，只是把我的那一面展示出来
而之后还有很多陆陆续续会出现的问题
我不敢去想了

我想我跟他一样
害怕受伤
他受过很大的感情创伤
我也曾经试过
那种被感情伤害的感觉
而我们都是很重视责任的人
如果以后我们决定在一起了
我想那就是我们做好心理准备
要承担一切责任的时候
他说过
他要找的就是终身伴侣
我想我也是
这也是为什么我到现在都没有接受一些人的关系
当我在考虑要不要接受一个人的时候
我会想到以后的生活会是怎样的
我会想到我们到底适不适合
我会想到我真的愿意陪他到最后吗？

之前我喜欢的人
现在回想
我知道为什么我没有采取更大的行动
因为我了解我们不会有长远的未来
可能现在的我已经迈入二十多岁的年龄了
所以想的东西也更长远了吧
我没有机会尝试中学时期的拍拖的感觉
不过我觉得这没什么吧
因为我把最好的自己留给一个真正对的人
而我现在希望他就是那个对的人
感觉我自己在乎他的感觉多过自己的感觉
目前差的就是那一份勇气吧
向前跨进一步的勇气
我想当我真的确定他就是那个人的时候
我就会有那份勇气了
可能他还给不到我那一点点的信心
可能我给不到我自己那多多的信心
但是我有一种预感
也是身边的人所说的
我们会在一起的
现在就只是在等待
等待我们都准备好了
确定一切了
把所有顾虑都抛开了
那就是我们在一起的时候

有好多好多关于他的东西想说
不过有机会再分享吧
今天为什么会要写
是因为我把这些话困在心里太久了
搞到我不能好好专心读书
我想要发泄一下
顺便告诉自己
考完试再想吧
要采取什么行动
都等到考完试吧

最后想问一句
“我の爱情来了？”

Keep My Dream High

Recently maybe there will be lots of people who don't agree with what I am doing

For those who support me
thank you for your support
I will continue my journey with all your support
Let's fight together for our life
I hope you can make a change to your life
I hope your life is getting better and better
Wish you all the best

For those who are simply watching at me
thank you for your care towards me
I will continue my journey
I would let you all see a growing me
I hope I can let you all know that I am fine
I want to let you know I am on the right track
Hope that you can realized something when you are watching at me
Always welcome you to join me in fighting for own dreams
Wish you Good Luck in everything

For those who disagree with me at this point
thank you for motivate me
your disagreement make me stronger
I will prove to you that I am doing the right thing
I will prove to you that you are wrong
I am doing this for my life
so you can just keep looking at me
I am sure that someday I will be success
maybe at that time
you are still standing at the same point
not to look down to you
but please be wise and rational
of course I hope that you are in your happy life
I am wishing you for your great life
I hope the choice that you made will be the right one

For those who look down to me
I am glad that you have this thought
because someday when I success
you will be shocked
I am sure I will keep on my track
I am sure I won't give up like you wished
I am sure I won't fail like you thought
the time will proves all these to you
you just have to wait for that time to come
thank you as you motivates me the most

My Dream:
I don't want to depend on my parent anymore
I want to let my parent happy and do what they want without any concern
I want to be a powerful leader and influential speaker
I want to do whatever I want without worrying anything
I want freedom
I want to let people know who am I

So I would keep my Dream high
they are what I want to achieve
and I know I will achieve it
do you think that what you are doing now can help you achieve what you want?
If yes, how long does it takes you to achieve it?
If no, why you still there and not making any changes?
I know what I am doing now can lead me to my dream
I will use shorter time than anybody else to achieve it
Just keep an eye on me and you will see it

I will keep on my track
I will keep my dream high
I will achieve my dream
will you too??

Wonderful Buddies Outing

20/10/2011

Sunday

10++am - 10++pm

Transport: Bus and Taxi

Members (total 18 people):

CK Wong (my buddy) and Me

Ah Meng and Gavin

Jayson (Ben10) and Christina Quek

Yee Mea (little chili) and Soon Li Ting

Anthony Tai and Lum Thien Chyng

Christine Love and Wei Sze & Ting Coldmilk (Mei Ting)

Ying Jia and Nian Ci

Siak Hui & Shi Ying & Viola Wong (Shy Jia)

..............................................................................................................

First

we go to Redbox of The Garden

too many people of us (18)

so we have to separated into 2 rooms

1st time heard all my friends and seniors sing

wah...quite many of them are very good at singing

Of course included my buddy

haha =P

I ordered this as my lunch

the name...erh...forgotten...

I only ate the pasta

and i gave that 2 big prawns(allergic food) to Christina

the taste is quite good^^

at 3pm

we all took group photos in our room

then

we took many photos outside the Redbox

me and my buddy again =)

We are the 4 juniors from KK9

taking photos through the mirrors along the pathway

Funny expression of Gavin in this photo...haha...

Christina and me =)

The centre 1 is Wei Sze...my closest friend in UM...

After about 30 minutes of photo session outside the Redbox

and only 15 of us left

we moved to the Mid Valley GSC cinema

decided to watch 'Real Steel' at 4pm

a really GREAT movie

MUST WATCH!!!

then 6++pm

with excited mood at that time

we planned to have Sushi King for our dinner

but time did not allow us to do so

so we switched to Kenny Roger Roaster

I ordered this as my dinner...

only me n buddy ordered chicken wings

haha

the taste...erm...not bad la...

Next

KK1 juniors left us

as they had meeting at 9pm

and we went to the game-zone

played basketball shooting, punch-boxer and so on

until about 9pm

when we come out from the game-zone

we met Jeck Kee, Subee, (unknown), Winnie and Hamid

they were going for movie but not sure which...

Finally, and again,

we searched for food

and decided to go to the 'popular' desert outlet among many people

I ordered the Bestseller hot

the taste...erm...not sure...

because I am very tired at that time

and no mood to evaluate the taste =P

after that

it is time to BACK!

Really had a very GREAT and AWESOME time

hope there is another buddies outing again =)

HaPpY BirThDaY to my HaNdSoME BuDdY

12 October 2011

first time celebrate Buddy's Birthday

13 October 2011

the actual day of his bday

back to hometown edi

i think he celebrate it with his GF =)

Wish him

STAY HANDSOME

FLYING COLORS in EXAM

n ofcoz HAPPY FOREVER

\(^o^)/

Four Weeks in UM...

4 Sept Sunday registration day

Kolej Kediaman Tun Syed Zahiruddin (KK9)

a residential college outside of campus

new at a new environment

got my room 4th floor no. 11 at Seri Worawari Block

3 person in a room

*Cai Mei n Liew Yuan*

1 from Klang 1 from Penang

both Matric student

both taking Accountancy

both are nice too^^

Orientation Week from 5-9 Sept

totally tiring week

slept at 2++ am and woke up at 4++am

EVERYDAY!

got lots of talks at Dewan Tunku Canselor (DTC)

rushed from 1 place to 1 place

rushed to finish our meals

all of us separated to 24 Sel

i m in the Sel 8

in my sel i hv fren from jenjarom

she is primary fren of Kay

so hv quite many topic to talk wif her

1 is Kumar an indian guy

he is quite nice guy

others not so much to talk about

in tis week

i also joined the Qoir

kept singing high note

but have high satisfication

although didnt get any place in competition

learnt some cheers

"Adigi Adigi A O A....Adigi Adigi Zim Bom Ba... ..."

"Aye Aye Captain...Zas Zas...Peace Yo!"

n lots more

Spirit!

unforgettable memory...

10 Sept saturday

KK9 hv own Mlm Kesenian

performed at tat nite

n took some pictures with frens n Pembantu Mahasiswa (PM)

"Huey Qi"

"PM Cikgu"

"PM Akmal"

1 of business senior

"PM Khairuddin"

same age but senior

business too

1st week of Study starts...

tired...

not recovered from orientation week yet...

blur...

dunno wat lecturers talking about

fortunately only introductions...

noe about siswamail n spectrum...

important to update time to time

monday is mid-autumn celebration of Chinese Community (CC) of KK9

tat nite v hv chance to meet our course seniors

n thr oso whr i meet my Buddy^^

2nd week almost same as 1st week

still blur...

blur n blur n blur...

n the weekend is our Business Club I-Week !!!

chance to meet with our Biz Club BOD

tat is Board Of Director

president, vice presidents, treasurer, secretary...

some activities...games...cheers...

separated into groups n noe more frens

n most important is i got my BUDDY !!!

he is the president of Biz Club

n handsome guy!

haha...

b4 v noe who is our buddy

i already hope my buddy is him

n i oso noted tat he keep an eye on me

during the whole day

yes! so happy =D

and my frens jealous of me too...haha...

my Buddy...Chee Kang =)

but dun think so much

coz he got his beloved 1

n he is 2 years older than me

tis is wat i m happy about too

since my frens buddy all younger than them

hehe...

only mine is "real" Buddy...

n all my frens said he is the most nice buddy among our buddies

he treat me really good

or should be the BEST!

he passed his books n notes to me jz after the i-week

n even his assignments soft-copy during the 1st sem

he will ask me everyday

if i hv homework or assignment nid to passup the next day

if got any prob i can juz ask him

n he will try solve it for me

not like some others buddy

juz wan they solve it by themselves

haha

n he will fetch me to offices to settle my documents

caring^^

3rd week of study

start to busy with group tasks and assignments

especially MIS

(management information systems)

every week hv group tasks n quiz

presentations oso start edi...

but i hvnt start study yet for myself

still in blur blur condition

hope to get awake soon

very very soon ><

continuing my UM life...

Stepping Into A Whole New Life

two more weeks n i will continue my study life...

many things to prepare

n i hv done half of it

i didnt worry much about the preparation

as my mom will keep reminding me

lucky daughter

my feeling nw is

>>happy+not willing+worry+unexplainable<<

HAPPY bcuz i m going to leave my hometown to a new city for a new life

i will own the 'freedom' tat i wished i could hv for a long time

i will oso meet new frens thr n maybe a boyfren :P

NOT WILLING for sure is refers to my family n frens

really hard to leave all those love life

but i noe i will own it anytime i wan :S

WORRY to be independent

as i never be alone all the time

my family n frens will always thr to help me around

when i was scare, i was wrong n i was helpless

n nw i hv to face it more than before by myself

all by myself --- ALONE @@

UNEXPLAINABLE feelings tat filled my heart nw

i dunno wat will happen thr

i m scare, i m worry, n i m really afraid

but at the same time i m expecting it (?o?)

1st time i m leaving my home n live outside

1st time i leave my caring parents

1st time i felt i hv really grown up n hv to be independent

1st time i m stepping into a social n real world

so many 1st times

but i will accept all of tis

n i hv to be

tis is a process in our life

i noe tis long time ago

n i m a person who is really realistic

not materialitic but always follow the reality

although i love to dream about so many things

i will try so hard to be strong

weak-hearted but strong enough to face the reality

as all my frens do

i noe my family & frens will gv me full support along my way...^^

Friendships Update...

recently i really getting far n far away from my frens

no matter wif those not in dengkil or at dengkil

n i think the gaps will become wider n wider

especially after i go to UM...

but i hope thr r something tat can link all of us together

juz keep all of us on touch...

although i noe some of my frens

...do not like each other n even hate each other

...hv different or opposite personalities

...care about beauty girls n boys only

...care more about other group of frens

...always busy like me @@

... ... (and many more)

but i believe thr must be something tat attract us

to be together again n again...

no matter is a simple gathering at mamak

or a serious business thing at any office

or anythings else

it will be thr for us

as not all the time v r busy

Always Remember to Update Our Friendship... (^.^)v

继《期待那天的到来》

之前写了一篇《期待那天的到来》

还记得当时读了的人都很疑惑

到底我指的是哪一天？

虽然我说那天到来，你们就能知道了

但是，现在我想那天不会到来了

不是不会到来

而是我的计划改变了

不好意思

人就是善变的

随着时间的过去

很多事都会改变

而我当时的感觉也跟现在的完全不一样

况且我想我就是一个喜欢想东想西

但是不会去实现的人

或是说不敢采取行动

真是有点没用乜

哈哈

不好意思

让大家当时白猜一场

毕

Dreaming Again...

Anthony Gene Johnson

Mark Musgrave

Mike Pilgrim

Gaston Essengue

recently i cant stop dreaming about going overseas...

y?? i think it is the side effect after the NBL...@@

juz think tat western countries are really wonderful

n worse i dreamed tat i m going to date wif english ppl...opps!

hope the side effect will gone ASAP

if not i will be crazy...not a joke~

but back to reality, i think it wont happen...

as i m from a quite traditional n conservative chinese family...

n the chance of going overseas is really low...

even travel oso could be a problem

hw to live thr leh?? very close to impossible@@

so stop dreaming plz...

gal u should wake up n face the reality

maybe i m juz too free until i hv so much time thinking of these

after skul opening it shall stop i think n i hope =P

**still dreaming now**
o(>.<)o

finally...my new phone...

SAMSUNG I9003 GALAXY SL

phone phone phone

y my phone wan die juz d 2nd day after i went to survey phones...

beh tahan lo...cause me need to decide which phone to buy earlier...

but juz now decided sony x8 is not a good choice although it is cheaper...rm460++...

i dun like its camera!!! the 1st criteria i need to decide for a phone...haiz...

dun like to think about phones but forced to be so...

need to decide ASAP coz i m using fren's phone...@@

plz...let me hv the cheaper x10 or satio or any better but cheaper phone...help me anyone??

fhuu...keep taking deep breathes so i can calm down...but... ...

recently...May...

my face pimples getting more n more...
coz i sleep late every nite...

coz i eat many spicy food recently...

coz i dint do any mask recently...

n my dark circles too...really like panda than panda...@@

化妆前后

很久没有更新博客了

就在这发一发我的化妆前后的照片吧

差异大不大啊？？

你们猜我用了什么化妆品~

工作

开工一个星期多了。。。

你问我工作怎样？

我会说ok咯

你问我工作学到什么？

我会说折衣服咯

除了折衣服？

就是serve customer咯

工作上的满足感就是为外国客人服务

最喜欢用英文，因为那就是我要工作的目的

我要训练自己说话方面的技巧

目前也在学习中

看到其他同事服务时的方式

让我学到不少

同事方面呢？

还好，没很大的问题

之前听说同事之间会针对的事，都没发生在我身上

而那几个听说不好的同事，也没对我怎样啦

可能我只是part-time的，所以不会遇到什么麻烦

知人知面不知心，朋友要我别太容易相信别人？

放心，目前为止我真正相信的人没有几个

因为我真的很难相信别人

就算是朋友我也很难相信

比较喜欢亲力亲为

任何比较不满意的事？

站到脚板痛，觉得应该是正常的啦

所以只希望不会影响到我身上的任何旧患

还有任何疑问？

可以问我哦~

不知道

不知道

我什么都不知道

不知道自己在想什么

不知道自己有什么要想

不知道该不该烦

不知道该不该不要烦

也不知道为什么要烦

好像是没事找事烦

多余的烦

开心就笑

不开心就闷闷不乐

就这么简单

为什么我好像不知道要怎样

开心没有

不开心也没有

又是心情闷闷怪怪的

有时会想这个人

有时会想那个人

有时会想这件事

有时会想那件事

有时又什么都不想

发呆

我到底在干嘛？？？

你

我说你

张玉萍

你清醒点好吗？？！

真的想把你~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

不知道

连要把你怎样都不懂

糟糕

真的严重了

[:| @ . @ |:]

第三个《我》

最近心情怪怪的

而且我好像傻了

不知道为什么

但是应该是正常的吧

因为我每次考完重要的考试

都会有一段时间变成这样的

就会有这么一段时间

我会莫名的伤心起来

想了一大堆不是很可能发生的事

又想周围的人都会认为我这个做不好那个做不好

又想可能很多人都不喜欢我

又想自己什么都不会很没有用

还有好多好多

虽然我知道一些不是事实

但是我依然会为了这些莫名的想法而沮丧

甚至还会这样

我会以为自己喜欢上一个人了

我会怀疑自己其实并不喜欢那个人

我会不停的想那个人是不是也喜欢我

我会一直很伤心的告诉自己他真的不喜欢我

这样反反复复了几个星期甚至一两个月

我就会变回正常

甚至跟那人的关系变得平淡无比

就好像非常普通的朋友

一切就只是错觉

一段美好的错觉

这是我一直以来都认为对的事实

而现在的我就在过着这段时间

所以我会变得难以理解

时常做些奇怪的事

时常说些奇怪的话

时常写些奇怪的字

但是

请相信我

这段时间一过去

我就会变回正常

这段时间里大家就不要太在意我做的任何事了

因为我也许就在失去理智的时候做出那些事

放心

我很快就会变回正常

因为这是我多年来累积的“经验”

哈哈~

可能这只是反映出

我平时为了读书考试而无法做的一些事

在我一考完试后就爆发了

但是当我上课读书了

接近考试了

我就会变回正常

或是变回考试前不正常的我

这样说来

其实有三个我

一是正常的我

二是考试前不正常的我

三是考试后不正常的我

所以现在的我就是第三个我

做我朋友的你们

就只能随着我的变化了

如果造成麻烦的话

真的不好意思

因为这就是我

只能说

每个人都有很多面

可能我不只有三面

但是能具体说出的就是这三面

朋友

辛苦你们啦

要面对这么多面的我 ^^

期待那天的到来

我

期待着

期待着那天

期待着那天到来

那天

对我来说

是很特别的一天

那将是我生命的转折点

而那一天

我希望有他陪我

我希望我不会一个人

我希望我的计划可以成功

但一切一切

恐怕会不能实现

毕竟计划赶不上变化

我却依然期待着那天到来

那天之前

我必须做一些准备

那些准备都是为了那天的到来

只希望一切准备让那天的计划可以顺利完成

你们是不是很疑惑

到底我在说着哪一个‘那天’？？

不必问我，因为当那天来临，你们自然知晓。

上大学？？

不懂自己到底想进哪间大学
只知道有的申请就申请
很多人都说我成绩好
根本不用怕申请不到
可是我真的不知道要进哪间大学啊

现在我拿的科目好像根本不是我感兴趣的

没办法

为了未来的生活

我只好选以后出路比较广的

聪明。。。还好。。。

我的脑只会用在学业

生活里

我不会用脑

这是我爸跟我说的

他说我不是没有脑

只是我不会用脑

只会读书没有用的

生活上太多事我都不会了

注意力又差

头脑死板板的

才会在生活上犯了一大堆错

这样的我怎样去读大学？？

上了大学

什么都要靠自己了

这也难怪我爸要我呆在家学东西

因为我不会用脑

在厨房帮妈不知把菜搞‘黑’了多少次

真差劲

以后上大学了我要怎样

我真的不懂

不能再当受保护的小鱼了

要自己出大海闯一闯了

可是有时还是会想

“上了大学，是否还会有人保护我呢？”

哈哈

因为我每次做什么事都好

都会有人帮我的

就算是我在中六时也是

哈哈

希望我的运气能持续吧

不然

就靠自己咯！^^

闪电后的第一道彩虹

昨天。。。

今天。。。

FaMiLy